inward

we spent the weekend at a much higher elevation and it is evident that winter is coming. the trees were bare, save the last of the maples holding onto yellow and red leaves. i like winter because the forest floor comes alive. the christmas ferns and partridge berry vines and the mosses and lichens shine through the brown, crunchy leaves. everything rests.

i am trying to live more in tune with the natural world and its cycles. winter is a time to rest, hibernate. but i seem to be doing the exact opposite. i wake up every morning filled to the brim with ideas for my budding small business. my mind is on overdrive with the urge to create, to put plans into action, to invest time, energy, and money to get projects rolling. i am bursting forth and have been working quite hard for someone without a traditional job.

at least i’ve been home for a week and the days have a rhythm again. rise before eight, morning yoga and prayers, a couple hours of work at my desk with notebooks and pads and lists and magic markers and books, so many stacks of books, studying and scheming. a three mile run or an hour of power yoga, a shower, and i’m finally out of my pajamas in time for lunch. after lunch i hit a wall from homecooked food served with homemade kombucha, and mill around for a bit before i get a few more hours of work in throughout the afternoon. then it’s time to cook dinner and unwind. i’m not leaving the house much and i’m perfectly fine with it.

i just like the idea that i can do different things at different times of the year in sync with what’s happening outside my windows. i want to eat different foods and read different stories and sleep longer when the days are shorter (which i certainly have been). i want to connect to a piece of land and feel it changing. i want to change with it, and i guess that more than anything is the strongest instinct i have guiding the next year of my life.

being up in the mountains unlocks that feeling of belonging for me. this is one of my truths that i cling to dearly. as i see winter around me, i am deciding not to feel guilty for moving at a fast pace, but i am vowing to go inward. i’ve done a lot of soul-searching in the last year, a lot of inner treking and quite frankly i’m exhausted, exhausted of thinking about myself and mulling over what i want. i’m ready to just freaking do it. so for now, going inward means feeling myself in my place in this world. savoring the quiet moments like cats sleep-stretching and fried eggs with hot coffee and reading in bed. being a person in my body who creates and loves and moves, not a robot just trying to get through the busy days. and sleeping in, lots and lots of sleeping in.

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